A step-by-step guide to choosing the right marriage process for you.
We love non-traditional weddings and are always all for couples forging their own path and breaking any traditions that they feel don't serve them. But we know that sometimes it can be difficult to find information and educate yourself on the ways in which you can break from the norm and carve your unique wedding path. If you are interested in doing things differently, but don't know what your options are other than eloping or having a traditional wedding, then this is for you.
First off, what is Self Solemnizing?
Self Solemnization, also known as a self-uniting marriage is one in which the couple are married without the presence of a third-party officiant. The couple can essentially perform the legal solemnization of their own marriage, which will be recognized as a legal marriage throughout all of The United States. This is only allowed to be performed in a few states currently, including Colorado, California, District of Columbia, Illinois, Kansas, Maine, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. This is a great option for couples who want to have an elopement in one of these states!
In order to have a legally recognized self solemnized marriage, the couple must check with each state within which they live regarding their individual requirements in order to make sure they fill out and file the right paperwork.
Here’s the process of Self Solemnizing:
Both you and your partner must go to the Office of the Clerk and Registrar to apply for your marriage license in a state that has legalized self solemnization.
Present all the information necessary including: date of marriage, documentation if you’re divorced or widowed, valid US ID, social security number, etc.
Request the self-solemnizing license
The application fee can range in price, but it typically costs around $30, due at the time of application.
Okay, but what if I don’t want to elope in one of those states?
Each state has different requirements for getting married. If you’re eloping in another state make sure to research that state or county’s requirements for legally getting married before your elopement or wedding date. Typically, you will have a certain amount of time to actually get married from the filing date at the courthouse, have a required number of witnesses, have to pay a fee and produce specific documents, and have an officiant who has been ordained to legally perform marriages in the state of your choice. You can go through this process at the courthouse, then go to a mountain top or ocean-side to say your vows to each other with not a soul around. Or you can involve a couple witnesses and an officiant at your special place and legally get married on a mountaintop or ocean-side.
How can I get legally married abroad?
A majority of countries abroad require a civil marriage be performed by an individual who is native to that country. If you want to marry abroad, you will be required to present proof of marital status, a birth certificate, a valid passport, and the paperwork required by individual countries to register the marriage as legal. We recommend searching the legal requirements of the specific country you’re dreaming of marrying in, so you can ensure you bring all necessary paperwork on your trip.
A few countries have very strict and difficult regulations regarding non-natives marrying in their country. Some, such as Spain, require one of the partners in the marriage to have been a citizen of that country for 2 years prior to the wedding. France requires non residents to obtain a special dispensation to get legally married in the country, but it is very rarely granted. It is necessary to research each country you could potentially see your wedding in, to ensure that they allow US citizens to legally marry there, if there are time restraints regarding how long you must visit the country or if you must live there for a period of time, and what specialized paperwork is required from the US state and federal offices that you need to apply for before departure, as well as what you’ll need to apply for once your at your destination.
But what if I don’t want to go through the hassle of getting legally married abroad?
We recommend going to your local courthouse in the US and following the requirements of your city for legally getting married, THEN having your wedding abroad. You can still have a ceremony, with all the traditions involved, but you will already be legally married and won’t have to deal with the red tape of getting legally married in another country.
Can I self solemnize AND have a wedding abroad?
If you see value in self-solemnizing your own marriage and having the deep and intimate bond of marrying with no one but you and your love, but you also dream of flying to beautiful destinations to create a lasting memory as you say I do, you can have the best of both options. The United States is one of the only countries that allows self-solemnization, and foreign countries can make legal marriage for US citizens very difficult. If you dream of both or just cant decide, we recommend taking a road trip to a self-solemnizing state and legally marrying in the US before you jet off to your dream elopement location to have a symbolic ceremony in honor of your new union and to celebrate your marriage with all your loved ones.
Here are some questions we recommend asking yourself to make the right decision for you and your partner:
Do we want the guidance and structure in our ceremony that an officiant would provide?
Would we feel confident to be the leaders of our own ceremony and be happy if we potentially left out a particular aspect of a “traditional” ceremony?
Do we value traditional vows and the traditional officiating of marriage?
Would we prefer for our wedding to literally only include us and the scenery around us? Not another soul in sight?
Can we afford to take an international or out of state trip at this point in our lives?
Would we be happy legally marrying before we go international to hold our ceremony?
Do we want to get married somewhere easily accessible for family to join us?
Will our family be able to join us abroad?
Do we value convenience and ease in the wedding planning process?
Is applying for international marriage paperwork an additional task we are willing to take on in this season of our lives?
Is there a country we connect with deeply or has been impactful to our story?
